What a pity

To pity somebody is to acknowledge their struggle. But it also doubts their ability to face thisĀ  struggle.

To pity somebody is to feel sorry for their plight. But it also undermines their ability to change it.

To pity somebody is to wish for their life to be better. But it also entails a feeling that they are helpless.

When we pity somebody, we mix sympathy with condescention.

The root cause of our suffering isn’t a crisis itself but our inability to face it. Alternatively, true happiness can only be found in overcoming our challenges and being equal to them.

Some of the people we pity are proud, strong and resilient people who are equal to the challenges of their life. Such people don’t need our pity. Instead, they deserve our respect.

Loaded questions

‘I haven’t finished the task yet.’ ‘Why are you so slow?’

A loaded question is judgement in the guise of a question.

On the surface, a question appears to indicate curiousity. But a question that implies a judgement judgement often doesn’t move us forward. It shuts down conversation and erects defensive walls.

Judgement and curiousity cannot co-exist, and it is judgement that crowds out curiosity rather than the other way around.

Watch out for loaded questions – both when you pose them as well as receive them.

Because they are a ____ person

Why did my manager snap at me?
A. Because my manager is a bad person
B. Perhaps because we were rushing to meet a tight deadline

Why does my manager routinely push us to meet tight deadlines?
A. Because my manager is a ruthless person
B. Perhaps because my manager needs to learn how to manage timelines better

Why does my manager struggle with meeting timelines despite so much experience?
A. Because my manager is an incompetent person
B. Perhaps because they have a lot on their plate

Why does my manager have too much on their plate?
A. Because my manager is a terrible person
B. Perhaps because my manager struggles with prioritization

When we face any problem with another person, our mind defaults to judging that person’s character. However, doing so brings our thinking to an abrupt end and prevents us from understanding and fixing the root cause of the problem.

Looking past the symptom to address the root cause requires us to look past our default answer as to why that problem exists.